


Under The Stars

by camilasbeautifulmind



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: 5h, Camren - Freeform, F/F, Oneshot, Ramblings, camilacabello, fifthharmony, iwrotethisatlike2am, laurenjauregui - Freeform, thepurposeoflife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:50:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camilasbeautifulmind/pseuds/camilasbeautifulmind
Summary: Have you ever talked to someone about the purpose of life?Camila and Lauren have. And it might just turn out like this:"You know what we should do?""Go on a rooftop and shout out how gay we are?""You get me so much."





	Under The Stars

They had been laying there for some time now.

They didn't know how long tho.

They just kinda stopped thinking about time after a while.

They stopped talking after a while too.

They just layed there.

Beside each other.

On a blanket.

Looking at the sky that was starting to turn darker.

"You make me happy. This makes me happy, the two of us together. I wish it could always be like this," Lauren decided to break the silence with a whisper. But only with a whisper.  
She didn't want to break it completely. It was loud enough.

Camila turned her head to the right, looking at her girlfriends cheek before slowly trailing her eyes to her nose and looking at her ring. If she looked close enough, she could see the small hole. She always wondered how her girlfriend dealt with pain. She then turned her gaze to Laurens eyelashes, seeing that her eyes were still trained on the sky above them. "Can't it? I mean.... do you think that this, us.... is not going to last?" She answered, after letting the silence between them return for a while longer.

"Nothing is permanent," Laurens voice came out in a rasp, her eyes still focused on the sky.

Camila furrowed her eybrows, not understanding why her girlfriend was thinking about this all of a sudden. She decided to lean her head against Laurens chest anyway. She just felt the need to be closer to her. Maybe that way, her words would get closer to Lauren too. "I know but.... death doesn't have to be the end."

"What do you mean?", Lauren asked, softly running the tips of her fingers against the back of the younger girls hand, tracing her veins, before she slowly intertwined their fingers.

Camila thought about her answer for a moment, looking at a green leaf falling from a tree. The tree still stood there. It didn't need that one single leaf to survive, she realized. "I guess, what I'm trying to say is that... if love between two people doesn't die before they physically do, then it's still there, you know? The love doesn't just fade away. Love isn't just something physical. It's emotional too."

"But emotions are something physical."

"Ok....what do you mean?"

Lauren turned her head to the side, gazing into her girlfriends eyes to see Camilas reaction when she asked, "Can you feel love without your heart?"

Camila furrowed her eyebrows again, confused about where the green-eyed girl was going with this topic. "Uhm... I guess not."

"Exactly. When you're with the person that you love, your heart usually beats really fast. Sometimes, because of happiness and sometimes, because you're just really excited or nervous to see them. Love is something your heart feels. We only know that we are in love with someone, because our heart tells us so. How are we supposed to feel love as an emotion, when the physical isn't there?"

The younger girl blinked, not expecting that sort of answer. "Wow.... I don't really know what to say."

Lauren sighed, pushing a few strands of her girlfriends bangs out of her eyes. "I think nobody does. That's why I usually try not to think about it. Death is a topic that I kind of always push into the back of my mind."

"Yeah, but you can't just avoid it forever," Camila answered, looking into her eyes again.

"There is no forever, remember? It's just wishful thinking."

Camila chuckled. "Yeah, sorry I forgot." After thinking about her answer for a few seconds, she continued, "But you really can't just not think about death until you actually die. That's...not really intelligent. How do you want to know that it's not going to happen tomorrow? If you think about death, then you know that your time is counted, so you try to do everything you've always wanted to, so you can at least die happy. But if you don't think about it, you just kind of go through it and waste your time for the most stupid things, you know what I mean?"

"I know, but I really just don't like thinking about it. And I think that you should still do everything that you've always wanted to do, even without thinking about the end that comes someday."

"But many people don't do it. Because we're all used to a next day being there. You live today, but you think that there is going to be a tomorrow. You start to plan what you're going to do tomorrow or next weekend. You just know. Nobody expects the end to just come. It just seems like we all say that we know that death is there, but we still expect it not to be."

"Now that I actually think about it, everything seems kind of useless."

Camila furrowed her eyebrows again. She would probably get wrinkles really soon if she continued showing her confusion in this way. "What?"

The older girl looked up again, sighing, "Life. I mean, everything that we do. You were born, waste your time going to school, falling in love, trying to make your dreams come true and just do everything, you know? But at the end of the day it's gone. It will.... disappear. As if it never even existed at all. Where is the point of living?"

Camila sat up now, still holding onto her girlfriends hand. "You get to experience it. You don't need the whole world to remember that you lived. You're the only person who has to know that."

"It's still useless."

"No, it's not."

Lauren got up now too, looking into her eyes again. "Name me one reason why life is logical, if you lose everything at the end."

Camila nodded, looking around for a few seconds before looking at Lauren again. "Okay, imagine life not existing."

Now Lauren was the one furrowing her eyebrows. "Okay?" She didn't know how to reply.

"What would there be?" She let silence surround them for a few seconds, to let her question sink in, before continuing, "Nothing. You would have no family, no friends, no love, just no life. Nothing. You wouldn't exist. You wouldn't experience all these things. Is nothing better than something with an ending?"

"If there wouldn't be anything, you wouldn't be able to get hurt."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to be happy either."

"Point taken. But I still think that there is no logic behind this."

"Does there have to be?"

Lauren sighed. "I don't know."

"Look, I've never really understood why death exists. Maybe because you can't just get older and older without your body giving in one day, or because the universe wants us to make the most out of it. I still don't really understand it, but I don't understand why we live either. Have you ever really thought about it? Because I have and sometimes, I feel like I'm the only person that asks theirselves what all of this is. There have been times where I've kind of questioned everything around me, you know? What is life? What is love? What is a family? What is all of this that's surrounding us?" She pointed to the trees around them. "And every single time I couldn't find the answer to any of those questions. No matter how hard I tried, my mind just didn't seem....good enough to find that out. I felt small, as if my mind wasn't meant to answer that. And maybe it really isn't. Maybe we just don't have the power to find the meaning behind everything. Maybe it doesn't even have one."

"Everything has at least one meaning behind it, Camz. Things don't just happen. There is a reason why something happens."

"That's what you think, because you're a thinker. You listen to your mind and do whatever it tells you to, because you think that that's the right thing to do."

"What are you then? A 'feeler'? Camz, that doesn't make sense. Everything is controlled by our brain. Without it, we wouldn't feel anything. You even feel love with your brain. Your brain is the one single thing that makes your body react the way it does when you're in love."

The brown-eyed girl stayed silent. She looked into her girlfriends eyes, searching for any sort of emotion that could have made Lauren think about this certain subject. She knew the older girl was a deep person and loved these kind of conversations. But there was always a reason why she started one.

And that's when she found it.

Tiredness.

Lauren broke the intense eye contact, looking at their intertwined hands again, softly squeezing Camilas fingers. She knew what her girlfriend was doing.

"Can I ask you something?"

Laurens heart started beating faster, making her mind produce more thoughts that filled it. "Okay," she whispered. She didn't trust her own answer.

"Is this because of your parents?"

When Lauren didn't answer and kept letting her head fall lower, Camila squeezed her fingers back. "If I say I'm sorry, then it's dumb and basic. But I'm really sorry, Lo."

She felt her girlfriends first tear dropping onto the back of her hand, instantly followed by a second and a third one, making her girlfriends pain touch her, letting her feel like it wasn't trickling down her skin, but getting inside it.

"It's okay."

"Lauren, it's not. You have to learn to live like this. I'm so, so sorry, but you can't keep feeling normal and happy about who you are one day, just to throw all of that away by thinking about others opinions the next. I know, okay? I know it's horrible to live with the knowledge that your own family doesn't love you, or claims not to, but you have other people who care about you."

Silence.

"I'm here. And you're here. The girls are here. We've always been. And even if we might not be one day, because life is fucking crazy and can take you wherever and whenever it wants to, you still have yourself. You should have yourself."

She let her words sink in again for a few seconds.

"Remember what I told you? You should be the single most important person in your own life. That's not selfishness, it is happiness. No one is ever going to understand yourself just as much as you do. Not even me. But that's okay. That's not the purpose of our relationship."

Lauren looked up now, her cheeks stained with tears, eyes red and puffy.  
Camila gazed into her eyes, before finishing, "You need to love yourself. And I don't care how long this is going to take, but if I have to, then I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you learn how to," she said, her voice giving out a bit at the end of her sentence.

The green-eyed girl couldn't help herself when she felt tears trailing down her cheeks again. She instantly wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, pulling her as close to herself as physically possible.

Camilas arms found their way around her neck, holding her girlfriend close to her chest, slowly rocking the two of them back and forth, before softly pulling away a little bit to kiss her on the forehead and let her lips linger there.

"I love you," she whispered, slowly pulling back again to look into Laurens eyes.

"I love you too." Lauren answered, squeezing her girlfriends waist and looking around them for a moment. She then turned her gaze back to her favourite pair of eyes and chuckled, continuing,"My snot is kinda on my lips."

"Ew!" Her girlfriend instantly pushed her away playfully, laughing. "You ruined the whole vibe."

"What vibe?"

"Look around us, Laur. We're at a park in the middle of the night, laying on my old baby blanket that is just as big as the size of our arms, having deep conversations while looking at the stars."

Lauren stopped whiping her face on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "So?"

Camila scrunched her nose, seeing her girlfriends sleeve glisten with her snot on it. Or tears. Or a combination of both. She wasn't really sure about that. "It's so tumblr...minus your 'snot-sleeve'," she added.

Lauren kept a serious face for a few seconds, until she couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing at the younger girls lame attempt at a joke.

The brown eyed girl grinned, loving how all of this made her feel, trying to memorize this exact moment.

When the laughter died down, but the smiles remained on their faces, Lauren slowly put her hand on her girlfriends cheek, softly running the tip of her thumb down her skin until she reached her lips.

Camila, getting too impatient to wait for her girlfriend to come closer, grabbed the older girl by the back of her head, pulling her towards herself and connecting their lips. She instantly closed her eyes at the warm, familiar feeling running up her spine, tracing her neck, until it surrounded and filled her cheeks with a natural flush. She let their lips just touch each others for a few seconds, appreciating the feeling and only focusing on that before she slowly wrapped her lips around her girlfriends bottom one, sucking on it and running her fingers through the thick tresses or hair, pulling her head even closer to herself.

Lauren breathed into her mouth lightly, answering with a small sound of approval.

They slowly pulled away after a few seconds, opening their eyes again and looking at each other, feeling the others warm breath against their faces.

"You know what we should do?" Lauren broke the silence again.

Camila grinned, understanding her girlfriends expression. "Go on a rooftop and shout out how gay we are?"

Lauren sighed, smiling at her girlfriend. "You get me so much."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it :)  
> I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so if you wanna share that with me, make sure to leave a comment down below.
> 
> You can also find me on Wattpad: @mind-of-minee (yep, my user is written with a double e, it's not a typo)


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